I have been struggling so bad since coming to Wayne. So much stuff has happened this year that I was just not prepared for. And I have tried to talk to people about it, especially the people involved, but it is always blown off. Like, "good problem, but MY problems are so much worse." or "Good story, now hear how my issues are so much worse." Sometimes I don't feel like people are listening at all. I feel like I have lost so much this year. It kills me, and makes me want to cry, nearly every day. I have cried more this semester than I have in a long time. I have no idea what to do anymore.
I take a lot of things personally that I probably shouldn't. And most people don't realize it, because I put up such a tough front, and act like I can take it. But in reality, it kills me. Especially when it relates to the kind of friend I am, or how someone feels about me. I am a lot more insecure than I sometimes act. It is extremely hard for me to take compliments as truth, and not feel like it is just being said to me for the sake of being nice. I yearn for approval from people. Something I am working on, but I still struggle with it.
I hate just sitting in my room and doing nothing. I wish I had my bike. I would go on bike rides all the time. Just to be alone. I wish more people wanted to do things outside anymore, but it seems like most everyone wants to stay inside and play some game. I get so bored, and I don't ever have anything to do. You can't throw around a frisbee alone.
I am having a lot of issues with trust. These days, I have no idea who I can trust. I just don't know anymore. Which is extremely hard for me, because then I just keep feelings bottled up and it makes it hurt even more.
I wish, just once, someone would ask me what is wrong. I hate going to people to talk because I feel like I am being an inconvenience. But I can't even remember the last time someone came to me and asked what is wrong, if I need help, if I am okay.
I don't think people give hugs enough. I love hugs. They are one of the few things that can make me feel better no matter what. But no one ever wants to hug anyone. Which is sad, because sometimes that is just what I need to feel better. :/ Most people just think I am weird for wanting a hug from them.
I wish everyone gave hugs like James.
I wish people would care, or at least act like it.
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