I'm so tired of people pointing out all of my faults.
I'm sorry that I don't do certain things the way that the rest of society does. I'm sorry that I don't dress right, or talk right, or say things right. I'm sorry that I don't live up to YOUR standards of what a real Christian is.
What is a real Christian anyways?
In high school, and ESPECIALLY in college, I have had so many people tell me that I'm "not a good Christian" or "not a real Christian."
Why not?
Because I don't go around screaming about my God. I don't speak up when I am moved, I don't pray all of the time, I don't read my Bible as much as the guy or girl who lives near me.
Do people not realize that what they say is hurtful?
Even now, writing this, I'm on the verge of tears. Just thinking about what people have said to me tears me apart.
It's enough to make me want to give up on it all all together.
I know I shouldn't, but what do people think is going to be my reaction to that?
It makes me feel like a terrible person, plain and simple.
I guess I just don't fit the mold of the regular teenager who believes in Jesus.
which, you know, makes me feel awesome.
I don't know how to make people like me. I don't know what to do to make people think different of me. So I just suffer through it, and pretend everything is okay, and no one who has any idea.
Even the people I would assume would care, appear not to.
Why?
I have no idea.
I try to be as nice as I know how. I try to smile, wave and greet everyone and I try my best to fit in.
But somehow, I still don't.
What am I going to do?
I guess just stick it out and suck it up, because it doesn't seem like there is anything that I CAN do to save myself.
I'll stop saying what I feel, I only ever get chastised when I do anyways.
I'll stop being happy, and maybe let you get a glimpse of all the sadness I have.
I'll stop laughing, and let you guess what's wrong.
Or maybe I will just keep faking it, the way I know best.
Because I just don't know what to do anymore. I guess I'm just different.
Kayla, you are a beautiful woman of God! Always remember that the opinions from other people are just that, opinions from other people. People don't have the authority to judge your heart, "for all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God". We all mess up! Keep looking to the Lord in this difficult time in your life, you were created beautifully by God and He cares so much about you! His grace is sufficient for you, and everyone else. If you need anyone to talk to, I love listening. :)
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