the end of the year.

i realize that i talk about my friends a lot.
but that is because i seriously do not know where i would be without them.
growing up, i definitely did not have very many friends. and the ones that i did have, were definitely not good role models, or good influences.
most people don't know about the kind of person i was. yeah, from about seventh til ninth grade i got into the whole weed thing. i hung out with not so good people. had a mouth like a sailor, which stuck with me for far too long.
i got into fights a lot, i went places i shouldnt have gone, i broke things and even stole stuff a couple times.
i was not a good person, nor was i living my life for God, by any means. I generally do not tell people about that way that I was, because I am seriously ashamed of it. Now, I am so against smoking and doing anything like that, but that is some of who I used to be.
At the beginning of this year, I still had that sailor mouth. Sometimes I hung out with some not wonderful people, though never as much as when I was younger.
I always hated church when I was little. I thought sermons were boring, hymns were stupid, and I didnt understand why I had to go. It didnt make any sense to me.
The summer before my senior year, I went on a mission trip to Arkansas. My youth group went with another group, from a church in Omaha called St. Paul United Methodist. Those kids were some of the most amazing people I have ever met. And they changed my life.
Jess and I started going to their church every Sunday instead of our home church. St. Paul UMC has a very strong youth program, which is something our church lacks. Both of us attended that church through most of the school year, but I had to stop going when my dumb job kept scheduling me for Sunday mornings.
The point is, that most people don't know the kind of person I have been. Even now, I am terrified that someone is going to read this and think completely different of me and not talk to me anymore or something.

Scott sent me a message on Facebook telling me a lot of important stuff. And he doesn't know it, but it absolutely meant the world to me. I am the kind of person who needs to hear things in order to believe them. i dont think im beautiful unless someone says so. i dont think im funny unless someone says so. i am the kind of person who sometimes needs to be complimented.

i know that i have become a better person simply because of the people i am surrounded with everyday. and i cannot begin to thank them enough for that.

i got nerve.

i seriously cannot believe the nerve of some people.
i have been talked about before. bad things have been said about me. i have been called a bitch, rude, mean, unapproachable, intimidating, scary. and a few other things.
but never in my life, until tonight, have i been called the "c word."
i could honestly care less if you talk bad about me. go for it.
but make sure that you know me before you do so.
i cant decide if i should be mad about what was said, or just laugh at it.
because it is a rather amusing situation. someone who doesnt know anything about me, has never met me or even talked to me, and doesnt even live in the same state as me, talking crap about me.
i just find it funny that some people have nothing better to do than to trash people they dont even know. or know anything about.
i understand why some people trash people they know. or have met. but if you dont know them or anything, why do it? it makes you look more dumb than the person you are trashing.
personally, i think this situation is hilarious, and i feel like that is a good way to handle it.
im not going to let it affect me, and im not going to let it make me mad.

on a happier note. Crusade Formal tonight. :) Jeff and I are going to look super spiffy!

Life Together - Geoff Moore

To my mother we were known as 'the gang'.
There was Bobby and Donny and Laura and me.
Yeah - one was a girl; she didn't act that way.
When we were together we never were afraid.

It showed me what it was to really be a friend.
It didn't matter what you had, how you looked or what you said.
We'd ride our bikes down the middle of a street,
At the top of our lungs you could hear us scream:

"Friends forever, to the end,
On this my friend you can depend!'

Together we live, together we walk.
Together we stand, divided we fall.
When you are weak, I will be strong.
When I fall back, won't you pull me along?

It's life together!
I'll stick with you through any kind of weather.
Life together!
It's meant to be for ever and ever,
In honour of the One Who paid the price.
The gift of love and sacrifice
Gave us life together.

And now, there are the ones that are in my life,
Who have loved me through all my lonesome ride.
I'll never know no other way,
It's from my heart when you hear me say:

"Friends forever, to the end,
On this my friend you can depend!'

Together we live, together we walk.
Find More lyrics at www.sweetslyrics.com
Together we stand, divided we fall.
When you are weak I will be strong.
When I fall back, won't you pull me along?

It's life together!

Together we live, together we walk.
Together we stand, divided we fall.
When you are weak I will be strong.
When I fall back, won't you pull me along?

This is life together!
I'll stick with you through any kind of weather.
Life together!
It's meant to be for ever and ever,
In honour of the One Who paid the price.
His gift of love that gives us life.

Life together!
I'll stick with you through any kind of weather.
Life together!
It's meant to be for ever and ever.
When you are weak, I will be strong.
When I fall back, won't you pull me along?

It's life together!
I'll stick with you through any kind of weather.
Life together!
It's meant to be for ever and ever,
In honour of the One Who paid the price.
The gift of love that gives us life.

Life together!
I'll stick with you through any kind of weather.
Life together!
Things just keep on getting better and better...

His gift of love that gives us life.

Life together!

best friends forever!...?

what exactly defines what a best friend is? how do you decide who your best friends are, and who are just your plain old friends?
what does being a best friend mean to you?
to me, a best friend is someone you trust with everything, or almost everything anyways. a best friend is someone you can go to no matter what, and know that they will listen with their full heart and mind, and tell you what you NEED to hear, rather than what you WANT to hear. a best friend is someone you know would take your place in a bad situation in a heartbeat if they could. a best friend is someone who just knows when you need a hug, and gives the best hugs on the entire planet. a best friend is someone who can brighten your day with a simple smile, or one of said hugs, no words needed. a best friend is someone that you can hang out with for hours on end, and never ever get tired of them. a best friend is someone who understands the message you are trying to send to them by just looking at them. a best friend is someone you text when you are sitting right next to them.
i have made so many friends at wayne. i have met SO many people that have touched my life, and whom i will never forget.
but aside from that, i have made some of THE best friends I think i will ever have. Everyone who will be living on my floor next year are the people I count among my good friends. But my best friends: Jill, Scott, Jeff. Those three fit every single characteristic of a best friend.
Jill: I have known her since freshman year of high school. And yet, we weren't all that close until this year. She is the best roommate anyone could possibly ask for. She is one of the most amazing women I have met in my life, and I cannot believe how lucky I am to have her in my life. She keeps me "in line" sometimes, and encourages me more than she probably knows.
Scott: I have only known him since about October. We didnt get along at first, thats for sure. A lot of crazy stuff has happened along the course of our friendship. But if anything, it has made us closer. He is someone I know I can trust with anything, and I believe the same goes for him. Through crazy girlfriends, fights, arguments, and everything else. He has remained one of the closest people to me at Wayne, and I hope that doesn't ever change.
Jeff: Jeff and I only became friends this semester pretty much. I never planned on being friends with him, and I know he never planned on being friends with me. We thought we were so different from each other that it couldn't happen, but now he is my best friend. period. There isn't that many people I can say understand me. But Jeff, along with Scott, is one of those people. "Best friends til the end of time." And I can't imagine that not coming true. Our friendship has gone through a lot, a lot more than most friendships do, but I am so grateful that nothing has torn it apart, and that no matter what, nothing can change that.
Without these three, I KNOW I wouldn't have survived this year. They all three helped my in so many different ways, and yet, all affected me the same.
In high school, my friends and I always talked about how we would stay friends forever. And now I know that that isn't completely true. Sure, I still talk to them and everything, but it isn't the same. We have all moved on, and without that happening, I don't think I would have had the opportunity to become so close to everyone at Wayne, those three especially. And now, I can't imagine life being any other way.
"A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another." John 13:34

contemplating.

i dont understand a lot of things.
i dont know why its called red cabbage when it is clearly purple.
i dont know why scientists had to destroy pluto's self esteem.
i dont know why it is assumed that girls dont know anything about football.
i dont know why girls have to shave their legs and guys don't.
but mostly, i wish i knew why everyone was so rude all the time.
making fun of people is horrible, and i am not going to say that i dont ever do it. because i know that i do. sarcasm is often the worst way to make fun of someone, and that is my worst habit.
im not sure who the person is who decided that insulting was a good idea. because its not.
i have had some seriously hurtful things said to me, even in the last week. and whether they were said in a joking way or not, they hurt my feelings.
self esteem is a tricky thing. its easier than anything else on the planet to tear down. but it is easily the most difficult thing to build back up.
im fairly good at hiding it when i am feeling really really "put upon." and a lot of people dont realize when i am.
but more often than not, the reason that i, and everyone else, make fun of other people, is because they arent in a good mood themselves, or their self esteem is really down.
i just wish that everyone could get along. hug your friends, smile at strangers, and say hi to the people that look sad. it will almost always make them smile, and the world will be a better place. :]

revolution.

i think that i am probably one of the most impatient people on the planet.

im not going to lie. i am one of those people who sends texts a couple times if the person doesn't reply right away.

i hate waiting for people, things, stuff, food, time, anything.

which is why i think it is so hard for me to sit idly by and wait for someone awesome (a man, relationship wise) to come into my life.

i tend to base a lot of the worth of what happens in my life off of what happens with other people who are close to me.

its no secret of this, and i think that most people are aware of it.

i feel like that is one thing that i seriously need to work on, especially when it comes to trusting God to make things happen for me.

i dont like not knowing things, which is why it is hard for me to accept that i just have to go to God and trust him that he is going to provide for me everything that I need, whether it takes five days, five months or five years.

i am slowly realizing a lot of things in my life, and slowly becoming a better person because of this.

I owe a LOT of this to my best friends, Scott and Jeff. without those two men in my life, I would still be lost. In the short time that I have known them this year, i have found in them one of the best support systems i could ever ask for. These guys are always going to be there for me, no matter what happens, or what the reason i need them. I know that if i needed one of them at four in the morning, they would gladly be there as soon as they could. no matter what comes up and creates a roadblock for our friendships, those boys and i always make it through.

I can't say it enough. How much I thank God every single day for the people that I have been blessed with in my life, like Scott and Jeff.

My friends are my rock, and without them I would not be able to survive. Without them I could never have made it through this year.

Like when I had, basically, an emotional breakdown at the beginning of spring break, and Jeff was in Omaha, that was God. The way that the guys can sense when something is wrong, and when I need a hug or something, that's God.

This summer is going to be really hard, being away from them for so long. I am not going to be able to walk across campus to hug them or to talk to them when I am down.

I know now that God led me to Wayne State for a reason, and I am completely happy with the person I have become. This year has honestly been one of the best years of my life, and I sincerely look forward to becoming closer to Him, as well as all of my friends.

3, 2, 1. now fall in my arms now.

if anyone would like to explain to me the way that men function, please let me know.

im tired of trying to figure out what they are thinking.

and most are too pansy to just tell you straight up.

you've been there. you understand.

relationships.

they are ridiculous, complicated, horrible, wonderful, amazing, dangerous, awesome, scary things.

the worst feeling in the world is wanting something more than anything, and having it cut off.

i feel like that has happened to me a lot lately. both romantically and friendship wise.

i tend to put on a front that i am a really strong, intimidating, tough person.

when in reality, i am the complete opposite. i am a fragile person. i take what people say literally, and often to heart.

i fall far too easily, once im pushed. i say everything i think, which gets me into trouble sometimes.

i cry really easily, something i absolutely despise.

i laugh at everything, sometimes when it isnt even funny.

i am one of the most sarcastic people on the planet. its a horrible habit, and i truly wish for it to stop.

i push people away when i feel like they are going to learn too much. it takes a lot for me to gain trust in someone, and because of that, there is maybe three people on the entire planet that i completely trust.

i am a lot different than people think. and i am a lot different than i was when i started high school, when i graduated high school, and even from when i started college.

i have changed. a lot. and absolutely for the better.

but thats not how i always was. i used to live a lot darker of a life.

my parents may still be together, i may not struggle with alcohol, drugs or come from a broken home. i may not be poor or in poverty or not know when i will have food next.

but i do have a lot of issues that even some brilliant people couldnt figure out.

i am kayla elizabeth clark. and thats all that i know how to be. i am not going to change anything about myself to please everyone around me. ill make the friends that i need and forget the rest. im not here for people to judge and say that i am a bad person, or i do the wrong things.

i am strong. and i can survive anything.

spotlight on god.

I have been told multiple, many, lots of times in my life that I do not seem like a Christian. I don't act like a Christian, I don't talk like a Christian, I don't carry myself as a Christian.

What exactly does this mean? How exactly does a Christian act, talk, dress, carry themselves? Whose right is it to say that I do not fit the "mold" of a Christian?

Yeah, I don't like praying out loud. I don't have a ton of bible verses memorized that I can dispense on a whim. I don't go to church every single Sunday, and I don't always read my Bible every day.

But I know that there is someone out there who is going to love me no matter what I do. who is going to be in my life forever and always, no matter what I do. Who will never judge me for something that I do that may not be the best decision I could have made. Who will always be there for me to turn to whenever it seems like the whole entire world is falling apart.

God is my rock. He has been since I was in eighth grade. When Jonathan Betancourt stopped me after church one Sunday night and asked me a completely simple question. Kayla, if you died on your way home tonight, do you know what would happen to you? I said I figured I would go to heaven. And he said how sure are you? And my answer was I don't know. That question absolutely changed my life forever. On that night I prayed to receive Jesus Christ into my heart, and from that day on I have been in the best relationship I have ever, and will ever, have.

Ever since coming to Wayne, I have wondered a lot about what would have happened if I had gone to a bigger college, maybe not started going to Campus Crusade, maybe fallen into that drinking and partying scene. I thank God every single day that he has surrounded me with such wonderful people who sort of help keep me in line, and keep me sane. I have the best friends that anyone could ask for. I absolutely do not know what life would be like now without them, and I am absolutely dreading being away from them for the summer.

I am completely content with the person that I am and the person that I have become. Think what you want of me, but know. I believe in Jesus Christ, Son of God. I am a Christian, no matter what mold I may or may not fit into.