the end of the year.

i realize that i talk about my friends a lot.
but that is because i seriously do not know where i would be without them.
growing up, i definitely did not have very many friends. and the ones that i did have, were definitely not good role models, or good influences.
most people don't know about the kind of person i was. yeah, from about seventh til ninth grade i got into the whole weed thing. i hung out with not so good people. had a mouth like a sailor, which stuck with me for far too long.
i got into fights a lot, i went places i shouldnt have gone, i broke things and even stole stuff a couple times.
i was not a good person, nor was i living my life for God, by any means. I generally do not tell people about that way that I was, because I am seriously ashamed of it. Now, I am so against smoking and doing anything like that, but that is some of who I used to be.
At the beginning of this year, I still had that sailor mouth. Sometimes I hung out with some not wonderful people, though never as much as when I was younger.
I always hated church when I was little. I thought sermons were boring, hymns were stupid, and I didnt understand why I had to go. It didnt make any sense to me.
The summer before my senior year, I went on a mission trip to Arkansas. My youth group went with another group, from a church in Omaha called St. Paul United Methodist. Those kids were some of the most amazing people I have ever met. And they changed my life.
Jess and I started going to their church every Sunday instead of our home church. St. Paul UMC has a very strong youth program, which is something our church lacks. Both of us attended that church through most of the school year, but I had to stop going when my dumb job kept scheduling me for Sunday mornings.
The point is, that most people don't know the kind of person I have been. Even now, I am terrified that someone is going to read this and think completely different of me and not talk to me anymore or something.

Scott sent me a message on Facebook telling me a lot of important stuff. And he doesn't know it, but it absolutely meant the world to me. I am the kind of person who needs to hear things in order to believe them. i dont think im beautiful unless someone says so. i dont think im funny unless someone says so. i am the kind of person who sometimes needs to be complimented.

i know that i have become a better person simply because of the people i am surrounded with everyday. and i cannot begin to thank them enough for that.